i’ve often sat in interesting, long, hair-focused, conversations with transitioners or women thinking about going natural or even those who recently big chopped only to learn by the end of the conversation that they were heavily contemplating going back to being relaxed. while i’m not 100% anti-relaxer or 100% pro-natural for everyone, i do know where i stand on the “too nappy” issue for myself.
my hair has been described as all kinds of things and for the most part it has been called bad hair. i often got good hair (not that i consider this anything close to a compliment at all, instead mostly a back handed slap in the face) after i learned how to moisturize my hair, but when i was subjected to unwarranted and unwelcomed comments about my hair during my relaxed days, the comments often were reflective of the ignorant thought patterns that still affect our community today.
i understand that women with kinky hair often have fears of going natural; been there, done that. i get it completely. being natural is a looking glass of oneself and proves to you, even if you’ve conviced yourself that your relaxed hair is your “true” hair, that your real look, your real self, is you with what you were born with. that’s a big pill to swallow for some.
for many, the reality of accepting kinky hair is just too much. it’s “too much” to go natural because their hair is just too nappy, just too bad, and would be better if only they had type 3 curls. as much as we’ve made leaps and bounds in the mental fight against hair hate, we have to be honest here, we still have a long way to go.
the main reason kisforkinky was started was to showcase women with the kinkest of hair textures and the flyest of styles. kinky hair is not limiting in look and style, nor does it hinder one’s fashion or beauty despite what we are told by the media, your mama or your daddy.
and though i won’t go into my heavy thoughts on this issue just yet; saving that for later, i have to ask you: how do you feel about the “too nappy” sentiment? have you heard it from other women or even said it yourself, that your hair is “just too nappy” for natural life?
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ok hold on…..
after what we have been through as blacks, of course we are afraid of being to blasted nappy!!!! from africa, to our new countries, like america that is all we had to hear about from the white man that our hair is ugly and this and that, in africa i dont think we even knew otherwise, but the slave masters actually made us cover our heads to prevent having to look at our natural hair because they thought it was so ugly???? so what can we do,
we feel bad – yes!!!
and in all honesty we all know mixed hair is beautiful, nappy hair is too, but back then mixed race people were rare, and being brown was not well known, well that all changed and blew up with slavery up, mixed people got all of the power, privilege and preference etc! we have been conditioned and abused, blacks actually still need psychological help! now we are talking like we should just up and big chop and love a short tough dry naturals, i think not!!! we have many steps to go to get there. and i agree it is a big huge pill to swallow or choke on!!!
first of all, natural hair needs to be maintained, it need specific products and styles, to look good, but dont get me wrong i love it, I especially got to see natural hair in its glory in Jamaica, w.i. where many women wear natural hair and it is not a big deal, they just do. there it is not about the big chop or anything contrived or fashionable, some are just to poor to afford chemical processing and all of that, some are so country and naive that they dont even know much about chemicals, others just love themselves and dont have so many whites around with silky hair to develop a complex about being nappy or natural, many just were raised that way and their parents forbid them to relax or alter their natural selves! imagine that, it is very different there, being there and seeing this gave me so much strength! I felt like a crazy person at first, i saw grown women with natural hair and was shocked, that is just not how it is in america,, at that time all grown women i knew were straining to be straight as possible, some way or another nappy was not an option at all!
africa unfortunatly is very different, weave is selling out there now like hot cakes!!! the black women there are embracing false hair and feel sweet! who can blame them, they see colored women around the world running from their nappiness and afrocentricity, so they must feel ashamed to be sitting in the place of origin with nappy hair!
americans are always looked up too, we are world leaders, so now i see this world wide trend to go natural!!! the relaxer companies must be in panic, i see natural hair topics, products, blogs, etc all over the internet! good, look out here we come nappy,kinky curly and lovin it.
the next thing we need to address is if we love our color or not! you know that is a touchy issue! so i wont go there now, but……ahhhemmmm anyway
as i said, just being natural is the start of something big, it is not just our personal anxiety that we fear dealing with about out naps, but others, our man, our family, our children for gods sake, asking what is up with your hair??????? and looking embarrassed and confused for our transition looks which could resemble one hot mess!!!!!! no lie!!!!! and we are standing there talking about its okay i am natural, they are not feeling it like we are, believe me!
in fact our families actually take pride in the beauty of our hair styles! Men feel powerful with a girlfriend with long hair that is real, they will say “hey man look at my woman and that is her real hair not a weave” black children brag and say that is my mom she has indian hair, or long hair etc!!!,and I have actually talked with some black girls who know other black women who did the big chop and went from having beautiful relaxed long down their back hair to having short tough naturals , and they were stressed angry and distressed!! saying “they cant believe ____ so and so cut off their hair – it used to be so pretty and now i saw her at a party and she looked crazy etc” some people had such pretty relaxed hair that they were our hair envy, and inspirations! and now they are nappy post big chop! like i said we need professional help!!!!
anyway in time i think this to shall pass, our own natural hair novelty will wear off and we will be glad to get straight some how, i know a lot of women who are going back to the press & curl! but I really think hair product companies will come up with better products and processes for taming our hair types. and this is good, this is evolution, this is progress, if we stand up and demand a better process then the old time konkalines, the super lye relaxer extra-strength that burns straight thru skin, we may get somewhere, but
we will see..?
anyway
bye for now!!!
i have to go moisturize my fro! :)
love and blessings
isa
I’ve been natural for 2 years and 2 months I first was thinking about going natural Oct. 2009 but I was nervous because I had “bad hair, my hair was not going to look like someone mix with other races, my hair was too nappy” I said it all but thank God for my husband he was telling me hair is just hair it all depends what you are going to do with you’re not just not do your hair do something to. Thank God I know how to do hair because my transitioning hair styles was cornrows or Bantu knots out twist outs but mostly cornrow. But now I love my flat twist that is my protective style. I love being natural now I embrace it and I encourage my fellow sistas to do it also because they complain about their hair and give me complement they say “oh I can’t go natural my hair too nappy”I say “yes you can just do your hair, go on youtube”.
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