tamara is a whole lotta woman and a whole lotta kinky

as soft spoken as she is, you’d never guess that this kinky girl runs with the big dogs, literally. with former tv anchor aspirations, tamara has turned her life into what she wants it to be. now working for a congressman as well as balancing her life as a writer and ruby woo lover, she sat down to talk to me like an old girlfriend would, giving us a peep inside her life full of shoes, makeup and hair acceptance.

when i reached out to tamara to do a type 4 feature, i realized that with a closet full of boss clothes she could also serve up a double whammy, so this interview is both a kinky girl and type 4 feature intertwined to entertain you the entire time.

be sure to click on any of the products or links throughout the interview to learn more about tamara’s products or to be inspired by her style.

so what’s the story behind your hair?

i’ve been natural for 2 years. this was actually my 3rd “transition.” i would transition and about 6 months in i would just stop and relax again. this last time i was just tried of relaxer and finally cut my hair off in november 2008 right after obama got into office!

what was it like growing up with your kinky hair texture?

my mom relaxed me at about 5 or 6. when I look at my pictures i want to say around that age. i also wore braids a lot as a kid and as a teen and then when I started to do my own hair and go the salon by myself I was still keeping up with relaxer.

i never had the thought that i didn’t have to relax my hair. i had no exposure to natural hair outside of locs up until college. and even if you had said “natural hair” to me then, i would have thought you were talking about hair without a weave. it was all i knew. it was all my mom knew. i didn’t know I had any other choice but to relax.

so where did the idea come from then that you knew you could go natural and not have to relax your hair?

i saw a lot of locs in college and a few afros and it was almost like a cultural shock. i didn’t decide then that i wanted to go natural but i did start researching how to really take care of my hair. on hair forums i learned a lot of things and i would also read about women with natural hair on the same forums. it got to the point where i felt like even though i was seeing all of these things online about how to grow relaxed hair, i never achieved that and i also had an obsession with length at the time and i was just focused on growing my hair long.

hair length obsession is crazy. i’ve not really experience obsession but for a time it was very important to me almost more than health. it wasn’t until i got my mind focused on health that i saw the length. so how did you transition the last or third time?

i didn’t wear a weave while i was transitioning but i did wear weaves in college and that’s right around the time “real” indian hair was all the rage. right after that i was just tired of fake hair and that was the last time i had a weave. my last weave was in 2006. i’d gone back and forth a few times transitioning by going back to relaxed, but the last time i transitioned was april 2008 and it had been six months since my last relaxer. i had a lot of new growth and I was frustrated with trying to deal with the new growth and straight hair. i was thinking, “my hair will be longer now since i have not had a relaxer in six months,” but instead of big chopping i decided to get a relaxer instead! it was horrible! [the salon] gave me relaxer that was too strong and my hair was actually shorter than when i started! in november of 2008 i just cut my hair off. i was just done.

relaxer nightmares. i think even if someone still relaxes we all have that one story…

when i was relaxed and before i started transitioning, i experienced burning and scabs from the process. for a while, i was also obsessed with brandy and i copied her styles a lot. so the relaxer plus the braids i wore caused me to experience traction alopecia. but, again because that was all I knew i kept braiding my hair and kept relaxing it.

sounds like such a vicious cycle and the worse part is that many of us are still caught in this vortex. i can relate as well from my relaxed days. when all you know is how to do two things to your hair – either press or relax and the idea of virgin hair is ludicrous, it leaves you limited. sad really. so what about your mom?

yeah, she knew but i don’t think she knew what to do or what to tell me. i went to a derm about the alopecia and it was the time i was also doing my own hair [i was old enough to take care of it myself] and i just don’t think either of us had enough education about what to do about all of the damage of my hair.

it’s truly a viscous cycle. you get a relaxer and then the breakage so you put in braids to “grow” your hair but the braids break your hair [from being too tight or whatever] and you think i have to keep doing this to get healthy hair…it’s all any of us knew. my mom never cared about the texture of my hair or thought that it was ugly, i think my mom just relaxed my hair because she was just ignorant to natural hair as well. it was an experience, but now, i don’t want length, i want healthy hair.

how are you dealing with the alopecia and hairloss?
my edges are where i have my alopecia. as i mentioned, i went to a derm about two years ago during my transition and they told me it would never grow back but it actually is!

i put vitamin e oil on my edges. i open a capsule and that’s all i use on my edges. i have small spots on my edges where the hair is thinner and you can see it so I have to style my edges in a way so that I can camouflage it.

when i initially lost my edges there was basically a little strip where my hair was missing. it’s the hair that’s right behind my edges where i experienced the hair loss. it was a lot worse and still is per se on the right side in comparison to the left.

so you probably do not use a lot of heat on your hair either?

if i’m in a rush i may blow dry my hair and i do straighten it once a year around my anniversary to give my hair a trim. but, no, i rarely if ever use heat on my hair.

how do you take care of your nape? what’s your kitchen like?

i do have a kitchen and it’s way down in the bottom! [laughs] i also have to be careful when I wear puffs because I can pick off my kitchen [the little bbs], it’s not as soft as the rest of my hair!

i have a kitchen too. there are lots of pots and pans in my kitchen, some have caked on lasagna, so girl i know! [laughs] you have coarse hair and it’s seems very kinky. how would you describe your hair?

very kinky and tightly coiled and it’s very coarse in the middle so 4a and 4b if you would. i don’t have the kind of hair you can brush or comb dry. i have to comb my hair wet and with a wide tooth comb and covered in conditioner.

me either, i’d be bald! how was it growing up with coarse hair? did you ever experience any ignorance surrounding your hair texture?

i never had and any negative experiences about my hair texture. i have really soft hair to the touch so when people would touch it that’s the one thing i was told. my hair always looked “good” – from styling, so if anyone noticed anything it was always how soft my hair was. but I don’t have the kind of hair texture that someone would call “good hair.”

what’s your hair routine like? do you have a low maintenance style routine?

my routine does not change much. recently, i used to use carol’s daughter hair milk but now i use bee mine curly butter and i wash every week to week and a half. i deep condition with giovanni smooth as silk conditioner or aubrey organics honey suckle rose conditioner.

my leave-in conditioner is giovanni direct leave-in and after washing my hair, i twist my hair using bee mine curly butter. i like to moisturize with raw organic shea butter and coconut oil and after a workout i condition wash with a cheap vo5 conditioner and twist as usual.

i’m also eating healthy and working out and just washing and conditioning my hair with consistent products and on a consistent basis. i think because i’m not a pj (product junkie) that’s helped me out a lot. i work out about 2 times a week and i have a dog so I have to run every morning at 6 am with him because he’s a big dog. i run with him 5 days a week every morning.

that’s dedication and that’s really good overall. i need to get back on that morning running thing, but my dog weighs next to nothing so just running around my house is enough for her! you also color as well, right?

right, this is not the natural color of my hair. i had my hair dyed at a natural hair salon. i just had the front and sides dyed and it did very well, no breakage or anything. i don’t remember the brand of the color or the actual color used. i don’t plan to keep the color up.

you can see i already have a lot of new growth and I tried to dye over it myself with a brown color that matched my hair but that didn’t work! [laughs] so I’m going to grow this color out. and i have not experienced any setbacks with my hair since going natural either. the only risk i’ve ever really taken with my natural hair was getting it colored.

what’s your go to daily style and what are you overall style goals?

i normally wear my hair in a twist out and I put my twists in every night and shake them out in the morning. you know, sometimes i want a twa, the next day i’m starting locs, the next i want a large afro! i don’t really have a focused goal, i want to experience it all. i really liked the twa stage so I may cut my hair off again. my ultimate goal with my hair is just to have fun with it.

when i do have straight hair and when i’m coming off the end of being straight, instead of just wetting my hair to get the kinks back, i let them come back in slowly and i’ll set my hair on flexi rods at night. that’s all i do to get it curly. i’m not sure how the flexi rod curls would look on my head with my hair in it’s normal state.

i love that you tie your hair up with a scarf. i do that all the time! i do it a lot when I travel – it’s the best for the airplane and to keep your hair out of the way.

thank you! i love that style too. i tried the june ambrose turban style but it didn’t come out that good. i love scarves! i wore the turban style when i wore my diy of a shirt i made after i saw it on your blog.

so let’s talk about face paint – your makeup! i love it! you are so slept on on youtube. people really need to get familiar! your skills are the bizness, so easy and doable. are you a professional makeup artist?

i do makeup professionally and work with a couple photographers in the area. it’s been about a year since i’ve been doing this and i love it. some of my favorite makeup brands are mac, iman, make up forever – it’s expensive but I love it. i also love nars and nyx – a good brand that is comparable to mac. mary kay too. people sleep on them but they have good foundations.

i like your lip color choices a lot. what are some of your favorite lipsticks?

i really, really like ruby woo

i also like rebel, viva glam 5, cyber and hangup. i really like dramatic lips more than eyes.

for eyes what are you digging that affordable and easy to use?

i love the 88 palette. it’s cheap and affordable and it’s a good way to start your collection. (tamara did the purple eye look below with the 88 palette)

i just showed that palette recently. it’s really a good investment for those who want to start a collection, i mean you get 88 high pigmented colors but don’t want to spend a lot of money. you can’t beat less than $20! one eye shadow from mac costs $14! it’s a no brainer. so what about concealer and eyebrows? what products do you like for dark skin?

dermablend is really good and cover fx has very good concealer for dark skin. mac’s spice pencil with concealer underneath for a highlight it is good and that’s what i use. i don’t use eye shadow to highlight.

for my top pics of everything i’d say, mac spice pencil, benefit bad gal lash mascara, rimmel london noir eyeliner, ruby woo lip stick, and orgasm blush.

i have dermablend too. it works well for covering up almost anything and it takes soap and water to wash off. and i love, love, love orgasm blush. holy grail product right there!

in addition to having mad makeup skills you also have a very cool sense of style. do you like to dress up? tell us about what’s in your closet? what kind of fashion do you adore and what is your style like?

my style of dress is sophisticated chic with a trendy twist. i was asked this before and that’s what i came up with. i love classic pieces like trench coats and pencil skirts, but i also love a big platform and i’m loving clogs this season.

so what are your top four or five closet must haves? i like to stick to the must have lists because we all have one!

mine would be statement jewelry, dark wash skinny jeans with a plain white tee and a little black dress.

you are so right. i can’t say it enough. we as women always find ourselves in moments where we have nothing to wear and it gets no quicker and easier than the little black dress. you can wear any color shoes and accessories and change it up. it’s a must

so let’s talk shoes! how many pair of shoes are you working with?

girl, i have my shoes in two different closets! i’m probably close to a hundred pair. of those i wear about 16 pairs the most. the only pair of flats that i own and wear on a regular basis are a pair of ballet flats from sam edelman.

my favorite pair in my collection right now are my sam sam edelman valkan boots. i love those because they are so comfortable.

so you love shoes too. i love shoes so much. i’m a shoe junkie too! who are some of your favorite shoe designers right now?

i love pour la victoire

…jefferey campbell

…dolce vita

…lamb

…and miu miu.

so what about arm candy? are you a handbag fan?

i’m not handbag person but I like vintage handbags. i carry a michael kors bag a lot. i also like marc jacobs because he’s classic and you can never go wrong with him.

where do you find inspirations for your sense of style? do you have a style icon?

june ambrose. i love her! and tracee ellis ross, but my biggest one is june ambrose. i also like rihanna’s funky style as well.

you seem so well rounded. you know, there are so many women who still think that kinky hair makes them ugly or that it takes fashion and style down a few notches, that it’s not up to par with straight hair or other looser hair textures. where are you mentally when it comes to your hair and the texture? how would you teach your children to appreciate naturally coarse hair?

if i had kids i don’t think i would be able to convince my daughter that her hair was beautiful if i was walking around with a relaxer. i wouldn’t want her to have to feel like she has to have a certain hair, or straight hair, so i would want her to see someone who she thinks is beautiful with kinky hair. i don’t ever see my self being relaxed again and i’ll keep my hair this way for my future daughter. i don’t even think about relaxers. when i straighten my hair i want my curls back by the end of the day so a relaxer would never work again!

and your style, how do you see yourself in the future?

i think my style will evolve as i continue to evolve, but i’m happy where i’m at now. i’m finally on the road to the closet that i’ve always coveted. i love tracee’s closet and though I don’t have her closet space i’ll be there soon. i loved the sophistication of her style on the show but love her real everyday style even more so.

i also see myself being a full time make up artist in the future. i’d love to be able to help women feel beautiful and try to give women easy alternatives to quickly be able to polish themselves up and go.

so how do you feel about the whole, “too nappy to go natural” sentiment? what would you say to someone who does not think they can be “a very kinky girl”? a woman who is fly from her roots all the way down to her toes?

when someone says that i would ask them how they knew that, because most have been relaxed for so long they don’t know what their hair is going to do. i would point out different blogs and resources so they can see ladies with kinky hair and so they would know that they can be just as fly with kinky hair.

i would say that what you are willing to put into your hair you will get out of it – it does not matter how kinky it is. it can be done and it can look nice. our hair is beautiful. i know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it’s all about self acceptance first that helps to change things.

so true, i always like to say marcus g. was right.

*****

tamara is certifiably kinky, wouldn’t you say? and top it all off, she did an exclusive kisforkinky look for you all. you can check out her holiday glam look here. to keep up with tamara and to show your support, be sure to check out her awesome blog chock full of makeup ideas, facesbytamara, watch her on youtube and follow her on twitter.

are you a very kinky girl? if so, you could be featured here on the blog. submit your information for a possible profile!

• kinky haired girls and curl definition obsession

Tagged as: hair texture acceptance, KINKY GIRLS, tamara, type 4 hair series